You've Got a Pretty Mouth

Jesus, nobodies posting on here. This saddens me.

Anyways I'm posting in regards to a recent discordian project undertaken here at Alfred University. It is an elaborate extension of PosterGASM. We have prepared a rating system that will give buildings a letter grade on how if would fair as a defensive structure during the theorized Zombie Apocalypse Scenario (ZAS). Working in conjunction with Max Brooks and the U.S. Department of Defense we have developed the following rubric.

If anyone could review it for typos or just areas where it could be tuned up it would be handy. I encourage you all to join me in rating the buildings on your respective campus's sometime this week or next.

“I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol.” -- Steven Seagal

Unfortunately, I have been unable to keep up with my random "Acts of Anarchy," due to the ever-growing college workload. I hope to be back soon, however, with something big, beautiful, and completely chaotic.

Yeah. Something like this.

(Note: I have all the Photoshop prowess of a decapitated hedgehog, with about half the charm.)

Alright, Guys and Gals, we have a mission!

That's right! So, we all know about the WCYY thing. Now we get to be a part of it. I've already set up a protest in the name of ERIS for thursday, 5:00 PM, and would love your support. Call in to CYY (792-9299) and tell them when and where the protest is (Monument Square). Send poster ideas. Etc. GO GO GO. I'll update again after the protest, and tell us how it goes.

DAILY DISCORD: Eat a banana as slowly as you can.

King Kong Died For Our Sins

I have been encouraged by the Tony's posts to participate in Project PosterGASM. I have been printing out tons of discordian posters and keeping them and some tape in my bag so I can put them up where I see fit. If you want to jump in click here and here.

Also, Ashley decided to throw in some Discordian room arrangements in a common area at her college, by completing the circle:

Repeat: "Circular logic works because,"

Daily Discord: Open up a napkin holder and write deep personal messages on the napkins before closing it back up. Take a shot in the psychological dark!

"Repent Ticktockman" Said the Harlequin

Today I walked by the door of my R.A. and had found some mathematics on his door's white board with the header, "I was bored". I decided to check his math and found some problems with his integral, it lacked a constant of integration and a dx. I helped him correct the error of his ways while informing him of the problems with his original equation.

After this I decided to go to my room and work on one of my various charities. You know that every year around 50 students between the ages of 12-18 are sent into the frozen arctic to starve, with nothing to eat but what the cafeteria can serve them. Well no more! So I got the name of one of these first years and decided to send them some food. Some fully cooked oriental ramen to be precise with a letter explaining the cause of the charity, in a white envelope.

Mmmm. Who ordered delivery?

Hopefully USPS can find it in their hearts to send this one along. I suggest finding a first year of your own and give the gift of lunch today.

Daily Discord: Pretend to practice a religion you know little to nothing about.

FLAMAJAM

Alright, I haven't done anything too interesting as of late. However, I have tommorrow off, and will do something fairly DISCRODANT. Yeah, discrodant. Sugggestioooons?

DAILY DISCORD: Steal your own car.

Fat people produce 33.7% of all greenhouse gases

All unmarked doors lead to pelican storage and rehabilitation facilities. It's sort of a shame you didn't already know that.

Armchair Hero'd

I have an interior design class. Yeah, I know. Anyway, we have to design a yurt. Therefore, I will be constructing the world's first ROVING VIKING AWESOMEFUCK YURT. I expect an A. I'll update you once I have the plans drawn up.

I followed Tony's DD, and called up my dentist, and told her to remove my appointment for next week. She told me that I hadn't made an appointment, that my next one was in several months. I said "Scandalous!" and hung up.

I'm going to start making and printing some fake signs for school. Also, I found a fort. I'll check it out, and see it's potential.

Daily Discord: Call a Starbucks and ask for Ice Cream Cake. When they say they don't offer it, ask for a manager. Tell the manager that he/she is a racist.

Dokta Citrus, paging Dokta Citrus

Unlike other bloggers, my job of machining requires alot of focus on tedious tasks, and leaves little room for horseplay, let alone Lokisions. I am, of course, a Discordian, and so that shouldn't stop me. I spent the first 3 hours at work today going without the letter "E," hoping others would notice. They just thought I was pretending to be a dullard. So, to hammer my point, I simply yelled every time I heard others utilize the letter. Again, the point was lost on them (It's a loud shop, and my co-workers are used to my outbursts), and so 15 minutes later, and with a parched throat, I decided I needed a new way to entertain myself, all the while spread my beliefs like whale blubber on an infant.

It hit me. You know who's birthday it is? Me neither. I went into the cleaning locker, and took out a bunch of plastic bags. I then filled the bags with oily cloths, ripped up a peice of paper, wrote HAPPY BIRTHDAY on them, and sneakily went around and deposited them on my coworker's tables. Content with my lame albiet time-consuming task, I sat down at my machine, hoping the next 8 hours would go by fast.

It hit me. This time, physically. Apparently, I was not as sneaky as I would have liked, and one of the more rambunctious collegues whipped the bag at my head. Unforseen, sure, but I could work with that! In time, the entire shop was throwing these festive missles at each other, the the grayface of boring work was averted.

Moral: I need a better job.

Daily Discord: Convince someone you are from an hour into the future.

Me Going Legit Would Be Like Jarjar on Speech Therapy

This next act of mayhem requires a small preamble for anyone not attending the University of Pittsburgh:

Here at Pitt, we have various computing labs around campus. I am one of the privileged 200-or so to have the reputable honor to work at these labs. Ever since I have accepted the Erisian ideology, I have been searching for a way to integrate my philosophical views on chaos into my daily work environment. And voilà! Today was a sweet cascade of pandemonium and discord at Hillman Library, home of the busiest computer lab on campus.

"From every floor erupted waves of terror, punctuated with screams of anarchic triumph and the gentle lull of the book demagnetizer." -- Robert Frost, Stopping by Hillman on a Friday Evening

When a student goes into a computer lab to print a document, because of the sheer magnitude of jobs sent to the printers, each document comes with a colored cover sheet (referred to lovingly by the staff as "banner sheets"). On this banner sheet, a student's username (that is, their initials and a number), job title, and remaining print quota are displayed. When a document is printed, the lab consultants transfer all print-outs from the printers to the "output table," arranging them in a semblance of alphabetical order to simplify the printing process.

Anyway, the point of that tedious interlude is this: While most banner sheets list only the student's initials and a number representing their frequency, what if an ENTIRE NAME were on the banner sheet? What havoc would ensue from such an act? Better yet, what if OBI-WAN KENOBI'S name was on a banner sheet, signifying his enrollment at the University of Pittsburgh and his ability to print from a remote dimension? Well, that, my friends, is where I bring you to my act of discord for today.

A banner-sheet looks a little something like this:

Now, for our hero, Benny-Boy Kenobi, his banner sheet looked like this (with a little Photo-Shoop Manipulation by yours truly):

(Minus the strange blur and jpeg-artifacts, thank you very much)

After fiddling with the printer's configurations for a bit (because anyone who is any one knows how to manipulate your school print job to print from a specific tray, thus ensuring it's size/color/and output mode, amirite?), I finally acquired OBI-WAN KENOBI banner sheet, complete with a simple Word file entitled To Anakin, With Love. Thus, I promptly put Kenob's highly sensitive document onto the output table, eager to observe the reaction of the general populace.

TO BE CONTINUED...