Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Meeting People

The urge to create discord can strike you at any moment. Like 3AM on a weeknight when some girl walks past your window.

What do you do? This is obviously an opportunity that isn't going to come along again tonight, so you better jump on it like a screaming child at a bad birthday party. I opted to bang on my windows with a ruler and say "aaaaaaahhhhh" in an annoying pitch.

She looks up, clearly asking herself the question we all would ask ourselves when someone is banging on their windows at three in the morning as you walk past them: "What the fuck?" She then continued on.

Two steps later and I repeat my call. I'm wailing on my windows like a nun in a sped class. "aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

She stops, starts again, I rap my windows and yell. This repeats a few times, and she's not making much progress. It becomes apparent that she's going to lose interest and go in her house, as she's already on the stairs. I fling open my back door and shout again, then slam it shut. Then I do it again for good measure.

Now I've done it. She's not going inside, but is instead coming over here. Oh shit. I didn't see that coming, did you? I'm just at home, enjoying a night of ruining someone's preconceived notions of three in the morning, and now I have company. What the fuck, neighbor? Call ahead.

At first, I ran away. Then I came back and answered the door when she knocked.

"Is someone here yelling at.."


"Was that y.."


"Why are you banging on your windows with a ruler."

"This is MY house."

Long story short, I had her over for macaroni and cheese the next night and "aaaaaaahhhhh" is a meme amongst my roommates.

Daily Discord: Wipe a booger in a copy of Twilight at Borders.


  1. Bwaha! THe perfect pickup exclamation! Sure beats my "JESUSFISH!" line...

  2. The line I have found most effective is "Weren't you the girl who was walking around with handcuffs the other day?"

    I find this works with most women.